Thoughts Are Not Things
The story goes that thousands of years ago, a wise spiritual leader cautioned followers to “Rule your mind or it will rule you.” But with an average of 60 thousand thoughts daily, ruling the mind could be daunting. So, how do we work with it? How do we become aware of thoughts, where do they come from, and what causes them to stick around?
Recently, I was asked, “ Is the inner voice the product of thoughts, or are thoughts the product of the inner voice?” To understand where thoughts come from, I invite you to engage in a visualization.
Sit quietly and take two deep breaths. Breathing normally, imagine a vast sky overhead. Notice leaves floating down from the sky and allow them to fall to the ground. No matter how many leaves fall, more continue to float down. The mind is the sky, or you could say it’s the inner awareness that gives your life meaning, and the leaves are your thoughts.
Some researchers believe that thoughts come from life experiences and environment, cultural filters, and learned behaviors. We may be able to rationalize the origin of thoughts, but we are certain they appear, sometimes, “out of the blue.” There is also a belief that every thought has been another person’s thought, evidence of our interconnectedness. Think: Inventions or philosophical concepts blooming in different places across the globe. One thing we know is whatever we choose to pay attention to defines our reality, and the thoughts we cling to can either stress us out or bring us joy.
Repetitive thinking is like watching the same leaf fall from the sky over and over again. Marketing professionals cleverly capitalize on repetition, and often, we market certain ideas to ourselves. We convince ourselves that what we are hearing, seeing, or believing through our filters is true.
One problem with clinging to our thoughts is that the burden of their negative weight keeps us from our natural social engagement mode. We are motivated to connect, but thoughts can cause barriers to connection rather than healthy boundaries. Another problem is our regrets about thoughts, but we are not our thoughts; we respond to them by pausing, acknowledging them, and then letting them go. Regrets keep us stuck in the grasp of negativity unless we capture the pearls of wisdom from a thought and move on.
Taking control of your thoughts requires practice. A wise person once said “ When you leave your house through the front door, be certain to leave the back door open, so that thoughts can leave.” If we do not attach ourselves to our thoughts, they will leave on their own; their inherent nature is temporary.
If we don’t serve tea to our thoughts, they will leave as quietly as they arrived. When the leaves begin to pile up, we become overwhelmed, and our energy is drained by the burden of too many priorities, too many questions, and too many conflicting stories. Our decisions become difficult, and a sense of self-confidence becomes a struggle to maintain. Our minds take over like a negative turn in a scary movie, but non-attachment to thoughts brings mental clarity and calm.
If thoughts are left alone to float in and out of our minds, they are harmless, even those thoughts that prompt us to “think again.” We might have thoughts we are ashamed of and are thankful we chose not to act on them. Think: an unsent email based on a misunderstanding or an insensitive comment.
The late Scottish psychiatrist R.D. Laing wrote a fascinating book entitled Knots. Here are a few excerpts from his book written as blank verse about the twists and turns of the mind in relationships.
They are playing a game. They are playing at not playing a game. If I show them I see they are, I will break the rules, and they will punish me. I must play their game, of not seeing I see the game. ( p.1)
When we experience exclusion, rejection, or lose our voice, we become susceptible to this “knot.” Our thoughts are neither good nor bad because their substance is questionable. If we stop to evaluate our thoughts, we will likely take some action: reacting based on feelings or responding wisely. But if we pause after awareness of a challenge, there is a decision point where mental resilience manages our perspective and recovery.
Thoughts are less solid than leaves floating down, they are energy in the mind. Energy is useless unless it is directed or channeled in some way. For example, electricity is only active when it is turned on and channeled through a toaster or the electrical wires in your house. Thoughts have no substance until we grab them, have feelings about them, and take action in response to them. When we acknowledge a thought, let it be, and allow it to pass on, the chain reaction of thoughts, feelings, and actions is interrupted. We can then experience peace of mind.
The concept of entitlement shows up throughout current sociopolitical writing. Laing’s poem develops the concept. Below is an example of the “train of thought.”
All I have has been given me and is mine.
If I have it, I must have been given it
Therefore, it is mine.
I haven’t it
but I can get it
therefore,
because I have been given the capacity to get it
it is mine. (p.41)
We are not our thoughts; we are the consciousness that observes them. The extent to which we believe that our thoughts have substance can influence how we see ourselves in relation to others and can fuel judgments. Most of the challenges in life are relationship-based: How do we relate to ourselves? How do we relate to others? How do we relate to situations we face?
There are ways to take control of our thoughts, knowing that they can be useful or useless for our well-being. The body is the instrument at our disposal to begin controlling our relationship with our thoughts. We want to channel the energy of our thoughts with our bodies, grounding the electrical currents of anxiety and fear and focusing our attention on our breath. Our focus on breathing places us in the present moment instead of riding the waves of persistent thoughts, negative or positive. Handling the stress of reacting to challenges requires stillness.
Here are ways to practice:
1. Focused attention meditation or prayer can help us concentrate. The practice involves paying attention to your breathing as you allow thoughts to come and go. It’s also about being kind to yourself when your mind begins to wander. That’s normal because the relentless flow of thoughts will not let you go unless you build the mental muscle to stay present.
2. Walking meditation is a mindfulness practice, but it is also a way to boost your mood and immunity. The walk begins with an intention that you hold throughout the walk. One kind of walking meditation is “forest bathing,” which is more than a walk in the woods; it is a chance to immerse yourself in the peacefulness of our natural environment, paying attention to sights and sounds. The key is to be less destination-driven and allow yourself to meander on a path or in a secluded area. The walk is not a competition; the goal is to just be mindful as you proceed.
3. Embrace silence in ways that strengthen your present-mindedness. Eat some meals in silence; it develops the habit of reflection, a key brain activity. Or, you can eat part of the meal in silence with others. During the silence, allow thoughts of appreciation for all the plants and people who make meals possible: the bees, seeds, farmers, harvesters, food preparers, transporters, and servers. Gratitude for the full scope of connections that produce food builds mental resilience. Dedicate silent zones or spaces at home and schedule time to be silent just as you would for a doctor’s appointment.
4. Journaling or recording thoughts, inspirations, and creative ideas can aid mental resilience. Journaling allows you to let go of unhealthy rumination or negative thoughts in a healthy manner. Thoughts can create stress, and journaling or recording those thoughts through writing improves communication across areas of the brain that influence emotions. Journaling can be an emptying process, releasing and clearing out unwanted thoughts and overwhelm and clearing a path for emotional repair.
The floating leaves ultimately make up the “tree of life,” a symbol of balance and harmony that attests to the opportunity to live with purpose in each moment.
Peace and blessings,
Eleanor
Laing, R.D., Knots, New York: Vintage Books, 1970.
Questions That Matters:
What are the ways you choose to manage your thoughts?
What new activity are you willing to try?
Very interesting read! Especially loved, "We are not our thoughts; we are the consciousness that observes them." It enlightened my inquiry on, "Is the inner voice the product of thoughts, or are thoughts the product of the inner voice?”